INANITY.
no, i didn't spell it wrongly.
no, it's not insanity.
no, i'm not an idiot.
yes, you are the idiot.
yes, please go check the dictionary.


time changes everything. there's no distance between us anymore, because we don't even know each other. where have you been for the whole of last year? i thought we were supposed to be friends?
no, friends don't bail on each other. friends don't forget each other. friends contact each other no matter HOW FRIGGIN' BUSY THEY CAN BE. have you even tried?
no, the answer is no. why haven't you tried? because you don't even know why. because you don't want to and can't be bothered to. is this how much i mean to you exactly after we left school? is this how much you treasure our friendship? by doing nothing?
whatever it is, i know i tried. but you didn't.
I wonder where they are
the days we had
the songs we sang together.
oh youknowwhat? apparently, they're GONE.
because of you.


yeaaah. right.
did you know that:
we haven't spoken to each other for months?
we haven't talked on the phone like we used to for hours in at least a year?
we haven't met for months?
it's tiring for me to keep trying?
it's tiring to look for refuge in you but find nothing? zip. zero. nilch. nada.
it's tiring with all the fake friends?
it hurts?
do you know that:
i've been missing you?

the question is: did you miss me at all? throughout this whole year? or have you been missing her? as always. i know in your heart, i've always taken a second place. but you did treat me as a friend. i thought.
maybe i was wrong. but it's okay, from now onwards, it's over.
So how do I say
Do I say goodbye
We both have our dreams
We both wanna fly
so let's say goodbye.

RAHH need to do chem. i need to study geog. i need to study maths. i need to study chinese. i need to study, study, study.
what's the point. just forget it.
however much i want to study, i don't think i'm really cut out for it, with all the crappy test results and the disappointments and the genius-sitting-next-to-me's results being much better than mine.
however much the best i try to be for myself, i can't be. there's no recognition in the eyes.
expectations aren't for me, i can't live up to any of them. in other words, don't even try to expect anything, because nothing will happen.

hah. i wish i could go back to the days in shanghai. strangely, there was no hurt. like there is now. maybe it was because i was innocent and stupid. or maybe because everybody was innocent. i'd rather be innocent and stupid than be sick and tired of everything.
am i supposed to be such a great disappointment?
that's it. my psle results were a fluke. everything good was a fluke. now comes the real thing.
the reality.
that i can't do anything well. there's no more fight left.
yeahyeah, failure comes before success. but isn't it OT for me to have at least a taste of success now?
i can't even cry cause the tears won't come out. anw, big girls don't cry right? i'm just crying bucket loads in my heart.

Holding on to yesterdays
Far, far too long


Just a smile and the rain is gone

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