Monday, October 20, 2008,10/20/2008 09:31:00 PM
pouring
it's raining now. kinda reflects the feelings i'm having now. raining in my heart, at least.
knowwhy? it's the year ends again. just like last year, i'm here in front of the computer typing my "last words" to all my friends and classmates who have been here for me in this tough sec1 year. now i'm at index no. 13 but i guess there was no need for you to find out, nor was there a need for me to tell you. i guess there's just something wrong with me, as usual.
yet last year, those days, only felt like it just happened yesterday. if you let me listen to graduation, i'll just break down. just like in the old days. when i cried on everyday of the last week. if i just halfway managed to get through that, what will happen when i have to go through at least tons more separations? first it was the shanghai singapore thing, then the primary6 graduation followed by the POP and now, sec1 graduation.
what's up with graduation? I know life's not about looking back.
it's about holding on to memories, yet moving on, looking forward to the "bright" future.or so called. 's not about holding on, hooking on and not letting go.
anw, there's still a part of me that holds on, not letting go. not letting go to what exactly? then again, i don't really know. holding on to those friends? or those memories i just refuse to blink my eyes and find them gone from my sight? or those sad ones? the days of parting? the days of crying and finding my eyes so painful i can't bear to open them anymore?
life's like that, isn't it? it's just the sadness separation brings. 'cause humans have feelings. these wondrous feelings.
the feelings that give you happiness, the hug from your soulmate, the kiss on the nose from your father, the approval from your mother, the sound of notes in your pocket, the feel of the rhythms from the music, the sound of raindrops.
the feelings that anger you; the taste of betrayal, the quarrel with your mother, the unreasonable reasons from your friend, the nasty things said by your enemy, the frustration of no one being understand you, the hair pulling experiences with stress.
the feelings that make you feel pain, the prick of a needle, the cut of a knife, the sting of a bee, the heartstab from betrayal, the sickness from heartache.
the feelings that bring you sadness, the scenes from a show like the notebook and a walk to remember, the taste of rejection, the scream of loneliness, the tears that roll down, the sight of someone drifting apart while you stay there helpless, the loss of a loved one and most of all, the sadness from separation.
all these feelings. and more. this is less than what life can describe. after all, nothing's larger than life. is it? feelings never fade. a friend once said. many feelings fade. most feelings fade. that's a fact. an unchangeable one.
all these feelings at once. a facade of emotions. mixed emotions, they say. all jumbled up, i say.
pointless it seems, without these feelings. true, feelings are a big way of life, justthe way memories are, just the way faith towards God is.
