im missing the yellows D:

yet i know this is part and parcel of life yet saying goodbye will always be the most painful and heartaching thing for me.
yes we were not very close, i didn't even talk to some of the ma'ams before. but i don't know why, it's just so sad.
each year, one badge leaves. just like last year's POP, the red badge left.
now it's the yellows turn.
soon it will be darkblues.
and then the greens.
then us.
wonder how it feels like to pass out?
happy? sad? heartaching? i guess it's all these emotions together. well, i think i would have to control my tears when im a ma'am because i CANNOT cry no matter what since all the other ma'ams did not cry. but i don't know if i'm strong enough to do it.

it's just goodnight, not goodbye. is it? isn't it not goodbye? farewell....forever? they will come back and visit but it's just not the same.
i can't imagine calling OIC, ma'am.

it's just not......right. just so .......wrong.

can't you come back? don't leave SJ.

but i know you can't. you have to move to greater things that are gonna happen in your life. and we have to move on too. move on to the fact that nothing will stay intact anymore. things change. life changes every single second.
but don't count on me to change, i will be the same crying emo cheerful, mood swingy, crush taking, shy yet bold,ordinary yet special, kind yet mean, nice but bad, and most of all: hating goodbyes.
i expect i will change in some ways.

my cousin once asked me if i could picture me and my friend still friends in 10 years. my answer was hesitant. i couldn't really answer but i said yes. and i brooded on it ever since. nobody can tell the future. it's full of uncertainties that we will never know about.
life changes and moves on. do people? i guess for some people.
it's takes time to move on. sometimes longer, sometimes shorter, sometimes forever, sometimes never.

what exactly does moving on mean? does it mean forgetting all the memories? does it mean keeping it in your heart? i guess it means the latter.

it's really heartbreaking. the way people have to say goodbye to loved ones every single day somewhere in the world. sometimes people may die at the same time at the ends of the world.
sometimes people mourn and cry and scream at the same time at the ends of the earth.
it's alll over. but you left a mark on us. the scoldings, the reprimanding, the smiling, the happy times, the fun times, the memorable times, the torture times, all these, will stop altogether. but memories will last forever. that mark you left is your legacy.