Saturday, April 12, 2008,4/12/2008 05:34:00 PM
我的故事：
男生的故事：
我真的好喜欢，好喜欢她喔。
当我看着她， 那所谓“最要好的朋友” 。
看着她那柔软的长发，
看着她那细细的脖子，
看着她那大大纯真的眼睛，
看着她那小小的鼻子，
看着她那薄薄的唇，
看着她那瘦瘦的人影，
看着她那灿烂的笑容， 我的心又动了。
我好希望她是我的，
我好希望她能看我一眼，说她爱我。
可是，她并没有这样看过我。
我知道她只把我当成她最要好朋友。
这， 我明白得太清楚了，清楚到我的心好痛，好痛。
她走向我，对我说："我昨天没有来上课。你知道吗？我没有听到的东西可多呢！
好朋友，你可以借我一下你的笔记吗？"
我当然知道你昨天没来上课。
你知道吗，昨天，你没来上课，我一直想着你，
想着你为什么没来上课，
担心你是不是病倒了，
嫉妒你是不是去约会，搞到我被老师痛快地骂了一顿。
你当然什么都不可能知道，因为我是不可能告诉你的。
你知道你说的那三个字，“好朋友” 对我造成的伤害有多大吗？
你知不知道，虽然我是男生，但是我还是人呀！我也有感觉，我也会觉得心痛呀！
难道你不知道吗？你是假装不知道还是纯真的不知道？
你知不知道我很爱你?
你知不知道为什么我那么喜欢你？
你知不知道我为什么会爱上你？
其实，我也不知道。
爱，好盲目。
你当然不知道我爱你，因为我是永远不会对你说“我爱你”的。因为在你眼里，我们只不过是单纯的， 所谓的“好朋友“。
你可以转过去吗？
我可以跑吗？
我真的不要然你看到我这副痛苦的摸样。
你看到了，会不会关心地问我怎么啦，
会不会关心的安慰我呢？
我真的没把握，
没把握对你告白，
没把握你会开心地迎接我的告白。
我真得很痛苦，很矛盾。
这种心情，你能了解吗？
你在等我的回答，我只好勉强微笑的回答，“当然！我们是好朋友嘛！”
看到你犹豫了一会儿，那是什么意思？
为什么你会犹豫呢？
你似乎发现了你的失常，连忙在我的脸上亲了我一下，就冲冲的跑掉了。
那种感觉，是无法描述的。
就在那一刻，我好想抓住她，对她说。
我好想告诉她，告诉她我不要当她的好朋友。
我好想告诉她，我好爱她，好爱她。
但是，我不知道为什么，我就是少了勇气。
为什么命运要捉弄我呢？
为什么我那么爱她，但是就是说不出，我爱~她呢？
~窈窕淑女，君子好逑~ 我爱得好累，好累。
原来爱你，是那么的痛苦，那么得寂寞。
难道你不能给我一个微笑吗？
哪怕是个微笑，就能点亮我的世界。
一瞬之间，我发现我好悲哀，好可怜。
因为，没有了你，我活不了，但是，没有我，你造样能活得开开心心。
为什么我没有了生活的生命力呢？
是因为发现了你不爱我吗？
我好恨你 ，好恨你！~
难道我在你眼前，什么都不是吗？
你可怜我吗？不可以！你可以不爱我，但是你不可以可怜我！
如果你可怜我，我会觉得我更悲哀， 你知道吗？
记住了，我永远爱着你。
但是，我永远恨你。
落泪的那一瞬间，我的心好痛，好痛。你，。。。。。。理解吗？
你从来都没有爱过我，怎么停止爱我呢？
我的泪水，没有了，只身下那沾满痕迹的脸。
从来都没有开始过，怎么从新开始呢？
泪水，干了。但是，
如果可以，我会永远爱着你。
我不是公主，也不是灰姑娘，我只是一个平凡不过的女生。不过，我想努力成为一个很爱，很爱你的女生。我无法祝福你们两个，因为一想到你永远也不知道我为你做了什么，泪不知不觉掉了下来。
爱着你的感觉， 甜甜蜜蜜的。
看着你爱着别人，感觉酸溜溜的。
这种心情，你们了解吗？我想，因该不会吧。。。。。。
nobody ever asked, nobody ever cared, really.
nobody wanted 2 care, nobody wanted to know, nobody was concerned.
am i just a pathetic waste of space? everyday i ask myself that. What's the point of living when nobody even cares? nobody cares right?
Faking this smile, faking this laugh, faking this happiness, faking this....faking my life, putting up a pretence,.......i HATE it.......i can't do it anymore, i can't fake already!it's really very hard........does anybody really truly understand?
why can't anybody understand? has anybody really been through it? does anybody understand my pain?why must i always consider other people's feelings? if i do that, in the end, who will care for mine, huh?
Why is it always me who has 2 be self sacrificing, why do I always have to be the one who cannot breathe, why must i always be the one who has to care for others feelings, in the end, will anybody,
will ANYBODY at all care for MINE?
why must i always be the lonely one?
why must i always be the one getting scolded? why must i always be the one left out? why doesn't anybody CARE?I have feelings you know! I'm not some unfeeling robot or something!I don't know what this life actually means anymore, was I born to be tortured? was i born to be insulted by others?can you hold my hand and take me through? can you take my hand and help me? can you hold your hand out for me to take?why do you have 2 be so distant?
Why do you look so faraway?why did she have 2 take you away? WHY? I don't understand! she has everything i wanted, she has everything i needed, including YOU! you just left my life like that!glimpse in the future, i see the haggard me. i see what i will be in the future.....i laugh, i laugh at myself, my pathetic life, my pathetic.......me.do you think i LOVE 2 cry??? Do you think it's not PAINFUL 2 cry? do you think after all the tears i have shed, i can live?
All the tears I shed today, are evidence of WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO ME.getting everything, she still had to snatch you away? why so greedy? can't she leave me a corner to escape, a corner to live in?I can't breathe anymore, I don't have space to breathe, i'm dying inside, nobody actually knows!
I have to fake, i have to.....it's a ROUTINE...i have to fake a smile so you won't see the pain in me, you won't see the dying me........can't you see that i need somebody's shoulder to cry on when i'm emo-ing?can't you see that i need sombody's hug to get me the strength to go on with life when i'm sad?can't you see that i can't live without you?
when i need your smile, you're not there for me.when i need your hug, you're not there for me.when i need you, you're not there.not there at all.
imagine my life
imagine if you're dying in the inside,but acting on the outside.
imagine, you're me.
imagine my life.
imagine having to act every single day
imagine having to emo alone, every, single, day.
imagine a life with only sadness in it,
imagine a life, with nobody to love you in it,
imagine a life, with somebody to insult you every single day,
imagine,you're me.
just imagine,just imagine all the care you can give,just imagine all the care, that you could have given,imagine the care that was thrown away,that could save my life
imagine, you're me.
imagine somebody you know,cryingeveryday,every minute,every second,and you're not aware of it.
imagine, you're me.
imagine somebody's un awareness,of somebody right next to him/her,dying,right at that second.imagine you're me.
imagine somebody you have always loved,being snatch away right in front of your eyes,
imagine being helpless.
imagine all your friends leaving you,even insulting you.
imagine you're me.imagine crying,with nobody there to help.
imagine pleading,with nobody there to listen.
imagine begging,with nobody there to respond
.imagine lying on your bed,staring at the cold ceiling,while nobody cares.
imagine somebody knocking,and telling you to get lost.
imagine somebody you love,telling you to go away.
imagine somebody you need,pushing you away.
imagine faking a smile, everyday of your life.imagine faking ur laughter,imagine faking this happiness,imagine faking every single happy thing in your life,because all of it,is fake.
imagine reality hitting you,getting worse and worse, everyday.
imagine putting up a pretence,imagine pretending to be thrilled,imagine pretending to be actually HAPPY,when actually, you never were.
imagine the hurt,imagine the pain,imagine the whirl of emotions,all on the sad side.
imagine the disbelief, of this kind of life.imagine the half scolding, half crying you will do everyday,but after a week, you will find it's painful, to even scold.
imagine having the luxury, of dying little by little, everyday.
imagine the throbbing grief in your heart,imagine the ache, when you find out, you can't do anything about it.
imagine the sting, when you finally realise,nobody ever loved you before.imagine the bareness,
imagine the blankness.imagine the devotion you have for someone,being shoved out of the picture.
imagine the need you have for someone,being drove out of the window.
imagine that situation,and see it as mine.
just imagine,just imagine.
Because that's my life.
WOAH man, this is some of the emo posts i had this year...I'm gonna continue the poem when I have time....this is the emo post for today:
看着你们俩幸福的样子，好为难。。。一个是我爱的人，一个是我好朋友。。。
我不能没有他，我不想破坏我和你的感情， 你懂吗？到底悬着哪一个呢？
是不是我的错，没有人喜欢我？是不是因为我丑，没人宠爱我？是不是因为我不可爱，没人要我？是不是因为我不够好，你才选择她呢？
