does friendship realli realli last? i dun think so. i have a friend, sometimes she's so nice 2 me, sometimes she juz ignores me. I really treat her a a best fren. She is SOOO nice sometimes, but when her other frens are there, she will like ignore me, and abandon me. she will juz talk 2 them, and expect me 2 juz follow or juz go away. When i follow, i realli feel out of place. I gotta say what's on my mind. does she realli treasure me as a friend? I realli cherish our friendship but it seems like she doesn't. becuz im the onli one there, that's why she talks 2 me, and bothers about me? when she treats me so nice, I get my hopes up, but it falls eveyrtime. she does something bad everytime she treats me nice. She talks "bad", says im troublesome? stupid? i dunno.....if any other fren said that 2 me straight 2 my face, i know that they at least are true 2 me and don't talk behind my back, but she doesn't. why cant she juz be true 2 me? I feel so hurt, when I hear that, if it's from her own mouth, i know at least she tells me the truth, but she doesn't. i cant believe it, that she realli thinks that about me, becuz when she's wif me, she's so normal, so...happy. I always get hurt by her in the end, no matter what I do. she says that about me, but what about herself> doesn't she do that also? why cant she juz understand, or try? doesn't she know what's going on in my heart? I don't wanna watch it all fade away....but i didn't do anything wrong! why muz she treat me like that? it's getting better, but is this realli a frenship? she cant tell me the truth? maybe becuz she feels un natural around me? then this is not called a friendship already.
are you juz a fake friend? i treat you so well, treat you as......a best friend, but i never get anything in return. i dunno what you're thinking all the time...why do you have 2 do this 2 me everytime? why do you have 2 dash my hopes all the time. you were always a part of me, but now im barely hanging on to our friendship. I always try 2 go along wif you, always, but can't you juz me ur friendship? cant you juz treat me as friend? you say you do, but i doubt it. since you don't treat me as one, why do you have to talk 2 me? why do you have to act like you treat me as one? i cried for you like 5 or 6 times, the most for any friend ever, but you don't see the flood of tears i shed for you, even if you do, you never tried 2 comfort me did you? you juz said there's nthng 2 say.....you know how hurtful that was? you know how you broke my heart again and again? you know how broken up I am inside? do you know those simple words, made me cry again and again? it hurts 2 see you treat others so well, but not me. you cause me misery all the time. i dun hate you, i never will, but i wan 2 hate you forever and ever, but i juz cant. all this turmoil, can you see it? NO. im afraid 2 ask you about it, becuz i think i know wads the answer. why do you have 2 lie 2 me? don't you know wad you did wrong? dont you have a conscience? dont you feel guilty at all? you juz take advantage of me, and ditch me, and our friendship....and pick it up and do the same thing over and over again, and in the process, hurting me again and again. I try 2 forget everything bad you did 2 me....i try my hardest....to forget YOU...but i cant I JUZ CANT! i gave everything i had for this friendship, and i still got nthng in return. i dunno why you are always like that, abandoning me for others, neglecting me. all i need, all i wish for is one day for you 2 tell me, you always treated me as a best friend, you always loved me as one. all i need is that, is it realli that hard 4 you to say that? probably, becuz you never reali did. but if you realli said that, i would not care that you abandon me in the future, becuz i know at least you treated me as a best friend. you hangout wif me so much in schl now, and thus given me the wrong idea about our friendship. i wanna understand, but i cant understand why u have 2 treat me like that always...ALWAYS. you ignore me, i still treat you as a BEST friend, you abandon me, i still treat you as a best friend always,but why do you always have 2 break my heart and make me sad, make me cry in pain, but nobody can hear me, can see me like this. Do you know how it feels like 2 be hurt again and again? do you know how it feels to treat someone as a best friend but that person always is in a rush 2 ditch you? do you know how it feels like 2 stand on the edge and feel like dying all the time? do you know what it feels like 2 be the last one 2 know on the earth that you never ever treated me as a best friend, while you told everybody in the whole world?i feel so idiotic....i feel like breaking down in front of you and telling you all these things that i feel about us? when ever you need help,i will help you! you leave me out all the same, no matter what I do. you treat me as a dog, and expect me to make all the efforts 2 keep our friendship. i cant bear 2 tell you all these as it will probably break our so called "friendship". you never care about my feelings, juz care about urs first.I made up my mind endless times 2 stay away from you, or treat you coldly. but each time i see ur face, i know i cant do that 2 you, though it's wad u do to me onli everyday. i know i cant do that, i know i cant break our friendship, im practicslly living for it. without you, im incomplete. without me, you are MORE than complete. my mind tells me to go, juz go, but my heart tells me to stay, and continue. i try 2 talk 2 you like i never knew you, but it's impossible. if i dun see you for a few days, i feel very empty. it's like somebody digged a hole in me. it's like i'll feel so ......spaceless. each time i get to talk 2 you, i'll feel happy, like the hole in me has been sewed up, but then not for long, i'll feel empty again.im realli very very very sad. words cant describe the pain i have 2 live with EVERY single day. sometimes i think, if i hadn't met you, i wont be in pain every day of my life......i wont feel empty anymore, i'll feel loved instead of neglected and jilted. i realli need you 2 understand me, 2 help me, 2 fill up the hole in me, but you wont. i finally said wads on my mind, but you never listened. something about us, or is it you alone? doesn't seem right anymore...i wanna move on and be who i am......i wanna let go, let go of wad i have wif you. i wanna go my own way and stop being hurt. i wanna leave it all behind.....all the colours in my life turn 2 grey becuz of you, and they all fade away....i wanna do wads best for me....so that you'll be happier, and be more OK. everything we've been through has been for nothing, this one year being wif you as a friend, all nothing. I've gotta move on.....gotta go my own way.....but i still cant let go. if you wan me 2 stay, if you juz say it, i will. i will never leave you and stay beside you 2 help you.....2 lend you a listening ear, and stand up for you.......but you muz say you wan me 2 stay...but you will never say it i suppose? you're juz too caught up with wads happening in ur life,and UR friends that you actually care about. You are the music in me, but ur harmony to the melody is always different from mine, we never have a single voice......you are different from me...maybe we don't belong as best friends, maybe we don't have the destiny 2 be togther? but if not, why would i meet you, but maybe it's destined that you hurt me forever. u wil never understand, but if you do, that's more i will ever need. i always hear ur voice above the noise, see you in the crowd, smiling......at others. when ever i see u having fun wif others, when i wanna 2 look for you, juz 2 talk 2 you like best friends, but ur busy wif entertaining and laughing smiling, having fun with all ur friends...i'll walk away quietly without anybody seeing me......nobody ever sees me.....especially you, nobody sees me being hurt, i cried....and they knew it....and at least they comforted me, but all I needed was ur comfort......you never did comfort me, when it was ur fault that i cried. everything's going wrong, i can hardly breathe......torn into pieces.......never did admit you were wrong...i told you everything about me....opened up everythingfor you 2 know....you make me feel alright when you talk 2 me....im pretending.....all that's left of me is the empty shell of happiness im pretending to be....i seem so together, so normal, so happy, but im broken up DEEp down inside.....all the wounds you have caused me 2 have....will never heal unless you right all the wrongs you did....... here i am, hurt by you.....wanna let go......reali truly.....letting go......but i know i cant.......
why do I always have friends, at least some, who take me for granted, like im just there 2 be neglected for others......like im so unimportant, my existence is nothing. she never said sorry before, maybe becuz she thinks she didn't do anything wrong? why , why? WHY ME ?? why did you choose me 2 be hurt by you?


Another fren, always neglected me for another. she always talked about how hurt she was by her other fren.....i always listened to her and tried 2 help her, 2 understand her.....2 do everything i can, to lend a shoulder to cry on, 2 hug her when she neeeded a hug...but i again got nthng in return. all she ever cared about was her other friend. she didn't know that she hurt me all the time, she didn't know, that i was already torn up inside by that other best friend of mine, and now she hurt me again and again. ever been hurt at the same time so HARD by two of what are your closest friends? try it.....i should have known better that she would onli care about the other person, should have known.....I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN! i try my hardest to pretend everything's okay between us, everything is normal, but i cant. i let you know before, and you were sad, and you said sorry, i realli believed then that you were repentant, that you realli were sorry for what you did...i realli treated you as a best friend......i know im not a perfect person, but do i realli deserve 2 be treated like that? do i deserve to be stamped on like a rose trampled on the ground? do i have 2 cry and be hurt everyday when nobody can see? all the pain she has put me through, all the pain she has done 2 me, all the damage,.....cant be undone. all my wounds are healed but opened up again and again and again and again....the scars are so ugly.....i wanna let you know wad i feel....you always go off doing ur own thing, abandoning me, expecting me to wait for you faithfully, expecting me 2 be sitting there smiling at you always./.....and i always did. all i wanna hear from you is a SINCERE sorry! don't you know wad the turmoil inside me is like? do you know how hurt i am everyday? im too hurt by you, i dunno if we can be the same anymore......i cant lie 2 you anymore.....i realli did treat you as a best friend......but you never did...all you cared was her, the onli one who was ur best friend was her.....i know i cant match up 2 her, but do you have 2 make it so obvious???? SOMETIMES I REALLI WONDER WHY I WAS BORN....was it 2 be hurt by others again and again? i counsel ppl sometimes, but realli i need counselling myself......WHY!!! WHY MUZ TWO OF YOU HURT ME DEEPLY LIKE THAT ALWAYS@! you are nothing but a HYPOCRITE 2 me! im not sorry im saying this, becuz im behind you supporting you all the time, being behind you, neglected.....you're always in the spotlight, and you forget me.....don't you know what it feels like 2 be forgotten? don't you know what it feels like to stand from a distance and watch someone in the spotlight, and cant say what you feel? i wanna tell you wad i feel. i told you, but you didn't react much, didnt feel sorry much. can't you appreciate me just for once? ONCE????? JUZ ONCE! I dun ask for me truly i dun ask alot.......why do you tell me im ur best friend, but actually you onli treat her as one! with you and her, im like so extra, seeing you being so happy wif hr,but wif me, juz normal.....you act as if im reali you're best friend, but i know the real truth.....everybody thinks you are my best friend....but i know the real truth. STOP! STOP CAUSING ME PAIN! i wanna leave my life happily! dashing my hopes, colourin my world grey, fading all my colours.....i wanna hodl on tight 2 frenship, but you guys juz let go of our friendship, and destroy it wif ur bare hands.

somebody once said my life is perfect. how WRONG can she be!!??!?!?! my life is far from peerfect.....far from it......everyboy says my life is so good, and i cant complain...but do they know what I realli realli feel inside me? do they know how hurt i am everyday!?!?!?!?! THEY DONT! they wil never know! my life is worse than theirs....they dunno how lucky they are........i HATE MY LIFE!

maybe my existence realli is extra, vry extra.......maybe im unwanted...i think im lonely and unwanted.....UNWANTED GAL! how do you expect me to keep the faith going in my life when im hurt everyday so deeply? nobody loves me i guess......dun i have real true friends? maybe one or two....but im like so EXTRA....i dunno wad 2 say 2 them already....i dunno......sucidal thoughts seem good now actually.....with this kind of so called "life", i dun wanna continue living.....i cant persevere, dun TELL ME 2~~!!!! cant you think in my shoes, cant you understand why i have 2 say all these? becuz im UNWANTED! GET IT! UNWANTED!
thanks for listening 2 me....

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