I dunno why but when i hear frm others or see u playing happily wif others, i get vry upset....jealous? i dunno myself....but it's like, my heart realli feels pain. i dunno why i feel like that....have i fallen in love for you? I DUN WAN 2! even if i love you, you will never love me, all you love are those beside you and are thick skinned enough to cling onto you. I know that in your heart, i dun even have a place let alone, the first place. i know i shouldnt fall in love wif you becuz, i know this is forbidden and it is impossible between us, but i cant help myself.....i try to tell myself i dun love you....but i know i am deceiving myself. i am behind you supporting you, helping you, accompanying you when you are lonely, when you need somebody, but it's like, im ur shadow, instead of ur friend........it's like, when you need me, you will talk 2 me, and make me feel wanted, make me feel like im at least ur fren, but then when u have others for company, when you feel like abandoning me, i will become invisible and become ur shadow once more. this feeling you give me when i talk 2 you, when you tease me, when you smile at me, when you say hi, this feeling is a feeling that no one had ever given me before. When ever you talk 2 me, i will be so happy, so HIGH, i will feel so lucky.....but then it always doesnt last for very long......
i always ask myself, WHY? why muz i do this, why must I make efforts while you don't at all....i'm always there for you, always be there waiting for you.....but i dun wanna do it anymore, it's realli too tiring.....you dun even appreciate me! i mean why? why do you have 2 be like that, sometimes cold, sometimes hot? cant you make clear ur feelings 2 me? i know you probably juz treat me as a friend or less, not even a best friend, but all I ask for is for you 2 say it with your own mouth....is that realli alot to ask from you?
whenever i dun see you, i will suffer.....when ever i see you, i will suffer also.....wad do u wan from me? why do you have 2 make me fall in love wif you and make me fall again and again due 2 ur doings? some ppl say they will be happy when the person they love is happy, even if not wif them...i agree, but then i cant do it! I REALLI CANT DO THAT! i cant watch you being happy wif others while i am watching you from a distance, wif tears in my eyes. i wanted 2 give up so many times, but once i see you, i cant keep myself away from you...i juz willingly be a shadow of you....pathetic right?
i hate myself, becuz i cant stop myself from loving you, cant tear my eyes off you......whenever you laugh and smile at me, i will be happy.....but thne you will continue and hurt me again, erasing the happiness in me.
jealousy is in my heart, whenever others tell me wad a happy time they had wif you, and whenever you talk about the times you had wif others. i know i a, not as important as the rest, not as good, not as fantastic, not as ........but i am a human being! i have feelings you know!i am not a robot that can be manipulated by you always! cant you understand, cant you help me, cant you stop hurting me!
forget it, my pain will never be over, but now that i wouldn't see you alot, my pain will be more........
when will it ever end.......

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